Quick answer
Work backwards from the date your caterer needs a final count, then set the RSVP deadline a little earlier so you have time to chase. Our checklist puts collecting RSVPs and finishing the seating chart 1 month before the wedding. When the deadline passes, a short, friendly personal message is the best reminder.
Work backwards from your caterer
Your caterer and venue will give you a date for the final headcount. Your seating chart, place cards and table plan depend on the same number. Set the RSVP deadline early enough to leave a buffer for chasing late replies before that date.
Put the date where guests see it
Print the reply date clearly on the RSVP and repeat it on your wedding website. A date that is easy to find is a date people meet.
Chase late replies personally
After the deadline, send a short, warm message to anyone who has not replied: "We are finalizing numbers this week and would love to know if you can join us." A personal text or call from the person who knows them best works better than a group reminder.
Count silence as a no for planning
If someone still does not reply after a reminder, plan as if they are not coming and let them know kindly that you need their answer by a specific day. Do not hold seats open indefinitely; your caterer will not.
Handle surprise additions politely
If a reply adds someone who was not invited, call rather than write back. Explain warmly that you are only able to host the people named on the invitation. Most guests understand when it is said kindly and directly.
Keep replies in one place
Record every reply, meal choice and dietary note in one list as it arrives. Replies come by card, website, text and in passing at family dinners; one list is the only way to trust your final number.
Frequently asked questions
When should the RSVP deadline be?
Early enough to chase late replies before your caterer's final headcount date. Our planning checklist puts collecting RSVPs and finishing the seating chart 1 month before the wedding.
How do we remind guests who have not RSVPed?
Send a short, warm personal message after the deadline, ideally from whichever of you knows them best, asking for their answer by a specific day.
What if a guest adds someone who was not invited?
Call them and explain kindly that you can only host the people named on the invitation. Most guests understand.